Monday, November 03, 2008

Η Αμερική ψηφίζει (Dear Red States)

Το παρακάτω κείμενο συνοψίζει με πολύ γλαφυρό τρόπο την κατάσταση (πολιτική και μη) στην Αμερική σήμερα. Δυστυχώς είναι από λίστα και δεν αναφερόταν η πηγή. (Για όσους δε ξέρουν: Blue = Obama, Red = McCain, Bush)

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own
country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In
case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois
and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of
the new country of New California. (We will probably have to
work on this name!)

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave
states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We
get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel
and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get
Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital
and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the
tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than
the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo
California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going
to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need
people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids
they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of
their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success
in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not
willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of
80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90
percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the
nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines,
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech
industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister
schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red
States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health
care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100
percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99
percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of
all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University,
Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and
Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe
Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe
life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death
penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a
theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in
9/11 and 61 percent of you believe you are
people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that
dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States